Pictures!

26 weeks pregnant

29 weeks pregnant

The day before they arrived

My last night of pregnancy

Adrian 3 lb 6 oz 15.5 in

Nolan 3 lb 14 in

My first time touching Nolan

My first time holding Adrian

Billy's first time holding Adrian

Billy's first time holding Nolan

Nolan

Adrian

Nolan in his "snugglie". He looked so cramped in that thing. It was so sad!

Adrian

Nolan

The first time me and Billy held the boys at the same time

Nolan's first outfit 

Nolan

Nolan

Adrian

Adrian

Nolan

Update on Adrian and Nolan- 5 weeks

This is going to be quick-

We are working on breast feeding with the boys and man is it tiring!! I spend most of my day at the hospital just trying to get these babies to suck on the teet. They have both done well once but every other time they have either been too sleepy or just not interested. It's fun being able to hang out with them though.

The boys have such different personalities. Adrian is super chill and super wiggly. He likes just hanging out with his mom and dad but he is always kicking and grabbing whatever he can, including his oxygen tube. It makes nursing really hard because his hand will somehow break free from his blanket and before you know it he has ripped his tube out! I was sweating today because I was getting such a workout just trying to feed him. He is quite entertaining and so cute. He definitely makes me work, though:)
Nolan is sooo laid back. He will be wide awake, looking around and smiling and his whole body will be limp. He is the happiest little baby. Unless you change his diaper or touch him with anything cold, then he let's out the saddest little cry. I love hanging out with his cute little self.

As much as I love hanging out with my sweet, handsome little guys I hate being at the NICU. It is such a stressful place to be. Having screaming babies all over the place, nurses that didn't get the memo about your baby's special needs, and an attending that makes you feel like it's your fault their not breast feeding all make it a pretty crappy place to be. You can tell that Adrian and Nolans new environment, which is full of noise is really taking a toll on them. They have rarely had enough energy to keep their eyes open, let alone suck on a boobie. I hope some of these babies go home soon so that the boys can get more rest to learn how to eat. If they learn how to eat and Nolan can ween down from his oxygen a little, they can come home! We are still a few weeks away but I can't wait.

Life in the NICU

Adrian and his daddy, together for the first time

Nolan and his daddy, together for the first time

Man, I am really bad at blogging!

So it's been exactly 3 weeks and 3 days since the twins were born and they are doing better and better every day. Adrian just hit the 4 lb mark and was moved into an open crib. Nolan is right behind at 3 lb 14 oz and should be in an open crib just like his brother in the next few days. They are getting closer and closer to coming home! I can't wait!
Life in the NICU is stressful, to say the least. There are so many things to learn. We've had to learn what alarm means nothing at all and what alarm means PANIC! Luckily we've only heard the panic alarm a few times and it wasn't even necessarily a time to panic. It just meant that one of the boy's heart rates and oxygen level dropped for just a second and then came right back up. It's pretty common with preemies but I'll admit that I hold my breath each time it happens.
Although the boys are doing great, we have definitely had some scares with both of them. At first they thought that Nolan had entire pieces of vertebrae missing in his neck and were worried that his spinal cord was unstable. They immediately scheduled and MRI at Primary Children's Hospital but it wasn't for a week after the initial scan. That meant that poor Nolan had to be put in this special wrap that didn't allow him to move. Needless to say, we were also unable to hold him. It was so hard not being able to hold our baby but the worry and unknown were the hardest. I don't think I slept that whole week. Finally, on December 7, he had his MRI done. A few days later we found out that his vertebrae were fully formed and that his spinal cord was stable. What a gigantic relief. We did learn that he has some fused vertebrae in his neck but we wont know what that'll mean for him in the long run until he grows more. I really hope that it grows properly and doesn't cause him any problems. His neck moves better and better every day, so I am extremely hopeful that he will be a normal boy and will be able to do anything he wants to.
Then there's the scare with Adrian. I received a call one day a couple weeks ago from the charge nurse at the NICU. She told me that they did an x-ray of Adrian's lungs because they were worried that he had an infection. She said that his lungs looked fine but the x-ray showed a hole in his intestines. The second I heard this I lost it. I was hysterical. The charge nurse continued to tell me that they were going to take another x-ray but if it was as bad as they thought, he would be rushed over to Primary's for surgery and that I should get to the hospital as soon as possible. Luckily my dad was here to take me. It was the longest car ride of my life but we finally made it. Billy had arrived there right before us and was at the sink washing his hands when we walked in. He told me that he was just informed that the x-ray came back negative and that there was no hole but Adrian did have an infection in his tummy and they needed to do some other tests. I was still extremely worried but so relieved that he wasn't as sick as they thought he was. Later that day all the tests came back negative. He had an upset tummy but all they ended up having to do was give him antibiotics and take him off feedings for a few days. The strange thing is that later that night, Nolan's belly did the same thing. They weren't worried about a hole but they took the same precaution with him and took him off feedings as well. A few days later they were both back to normal.
What a scary few weeks. I am so glad that my little guys are doing so much better. They are even starting to breast feed (sorta). They just need to be able to eat on their own and then they can come home. It's still a long ways away but we are slowly getting there!

Hospital/boys update- 31 weeks 4 days

Update:
We are almost there! Billy and I will be parents to the two most adorable baby boys first thing Tuesday morning. I can't believe it's here. It feels like I've been here in the hospital for an eternity but the real journey is finally about to begin. There have been so many ups and downs since we first found out the difficult situation of our twins. There have been moments of fear but there have been so many more moments of triumph and celebration. Every Tuesday has marked a new gestation week and that means that every Tuesday my boys have been given a better chance. This following week will be the biggest celebration of all, their arrival! It feels like I'm 5 and it's the most exciting Christmas that has ever existed. I'm having trouble sleeping because I get so giddy thinking about them!
We still have a bit of a challenge ahead of us, seeing as they will be 8 weeks premature but these boys are going to do just great! They are definitely fighters. I mean, they've had to fight each other in the womb this whole time. Sometimes on ultrasound it looked like they were really brawling against each other. Baby A is definitely more on the defensive with his closed fists blocking and Baby B is the one that throws the punches. Silly boys. It'll be so interesting to see if they act similar once they're on the outside.
Today has surprisingly been a really rough day so far. The boys have decided to mess around with mom and make her worry as much as possible before they come out. Their heart rates have been hanging out in the one-teens, which they haven't done until today. They are usually 125-135. I've hooked myself up to the monitor a few times because I'm getting sick with worry. The doctors have come over a couple of times to tell me that they look just great. They are having good variables in the heart rates and they are both having good accelerations, which is a sign of maturing brains. They said that a maturing fetus' heart rate will often lower as it gets bigger. But c'mon boys, now?! The really really good news is, though, if they did decide to come out today I've already had my first of two rounds of steroid shots for their lung development. They won't though. I think it's just pre-mommy jitters.
Well, wish us luck!  I will keep everyone updated on their condition when they come out. I might even post some pictures!

29 week update

Man is this stay at the hospital going fast.... NOT! This feels like the longest 1 month, 5 days of my life (not that I'm counting). I'm starting to run out of things to do. The knitting, reading, sewing and staring at the wall are getting pretty monotonous. But I guess you can't expect much when your living quarters are the size of an average sized bedroom.
I learned something about myself today. I am getting really good at performing my own NSTs (non stress test). My nurse today tried for over an hour to get the babies on the monitor with no luck. She told me that she is a bit of a perfectionist so the fact that the hour long strip was full of dashes and short squiggly lines instead of the nice, long heart rate line that we are shooting for, she was quite frustrated. Every time she would find a second heart rate just to find out that it was from the same baby, her brow would furrow and she would let out a deep, long sigh. She told me that if she couldn't find both babies then I would probably have to go over to Labor and Delivery for a couple of hours for further monitoring. I was not pleased at that thought. I'm all for going over there if it's needed, but I didn't want to have to spend an extra two hours strapped to an uncomfortable bed just because the nurse couldn't find both babies. After an hour of trying she took me off the monitor and went off to ask a Dr. what they wanted to do. The second she left the room I grabbed the machine and wheeled it over to my bed, gooped up the pads and placed them on my belly. I wasn't going to go down without at least giving it a try. After, maybe two minutes, I had two different heart rates on the screens. Wahoo! I put on the call light and the nurse rushed to my room. She could see immediately that there were two heart rates from two very different babies. I knew she wouldn't love the fact but man, she did not seem happy about it. She kept a smile on her face and said, "Well if you can do this yourself, then what do you need me for!" Ah, well. I didn't take it personal. These nurses don't see many people with my situation and if they do, they probably only get a few chances to perform the NST while the patient is here. There are a LOT of nurses that work here. I think it makes sense that I would pick up a few things after an entire month of monitoring. Maybe I should do my own from now on;) It would probably make things a little easier, plus it gives me something to do!

26 weeks! Only 6 more weeks to go.

Update on me:
Life in the hospital has been a very interesting journey. I have been doing pretty good and haven't had too many breakdowns. I really credit my sanity to the wonderful friends and family who have been supporting me and taking the time out of their busy schedules to stop by and see me. It really means so much to me to see familiar faces. It makes it feel like, for that moment, things are normal. Billy has also been a huge support. Sometimes I wonder who has it worse, me or him. He works full time, has to worry about the dogs and then comes to hang out with me for a few hours before he has to go home to get some sleep and start it all over again. He always reassures me, though, that he wouldn't have it any other way.
It's hard being alone here, but I'm getting along just fine. When I'm alone I try to stay busy reading, knitting, and watching TV series on Hulu or Netflix. All in all things haven't been too bad. Let's face it though, it's only been two weeks. I still have a few more weeks to try and stay sane. I wonder if they have a psyche ward in this hospital.
The nurses are finally working with me on my sleep problems. Yipee! My doctor was so worried the last time she saw me because I looked like I hadn't slept in days so she had a little powow with the nurses to set up a better schedule. Now we get done with my last NST (the hour long monitoring to measure the babies heart rates) at 10:30-11 pm and nobody bothers me until 5 or 6 am the next morning. It's still really hard to get sleep but it's much better than somebody coming in every 4 hours to check on me. It's sooo much better!

Update on the munchkins:
When it all comes down to it, the only important thing is that my babies are healthy. Today I had an ultra sound to check on the babies cord flow. Baby B is measuring a whole half a pound smaller than baby A so they are taking special precautions to make sure the smaller one is growing and not being restricted of nutrients and/or blood flow.  This, of course has me worried. The Dr. has assured me, though, that everything looks great and there is nothing to worry about as of right now. The important thing is that they are both getting what they need and not what they weigh in comparison to each other. I just hope, that baby B can fatten up by my next ultra sound so that I can stop worrying so much.
Other than the size discrepancy, the boys are doing great. Their heart rates are right on track and they are kicking away in my belly. I can't wait to meet the little buggers but let's just hope it's not for another 6 weeks.

The Power of a Stranger's Gesture

Today, as I was lying in bed feeling bad for myself, trying to fall back asleep so that the day would pass by a little faster, a lady walked into my room. "I hope you weren't sleeping.", she said. Instead of saying something that would fit my sour mood I said, "No, I was just resting." She pulled something out from her bag and with tears in her eyes she said, "I brought you a magazine... I'm sorry I'm emotional but I was in your shoes just over a year ago." Right after she said that her husband wheeled in a stroller with two perfectly healthy identical twin baby girls. My eyes just lit up. She continued to tell me of her personal experience with her two month stay in the hospital. All the trials and markers. All the fears and reassurances. She even told me of the "secret" hang out spots here at the hospital. I can't even express what it means to me to have been able to talk to somebody who knows what I'm going through. It was such a kind gesture and I am so grateful for her visit. It was definitely a "pay it forward" moment for me. I look forward to someday being able to provide that support to another mom to be. It meant so much to me and I'll never forget it.

Hospitals- The Good and the Bad

Hospital cons-
#1 The food. It's actually not that bad. It's only bad by the time it gets to you.
#2 Going to wash your hands and realizing there is a bin full of used needles next to your face.
#3 The bed sounds like an airplane that is getting ready for takeoff (I just found out today, though that I can turn it off:)
#4 Rubbing body butter all over yourself with your pants to your knees and then remembering, when the nurse walks in, that you have no privacy.
#3 Dr.s start doing their rounds at 5 a.m...... 5!!
#4 The obvious things like missing your home, pets and freedom.

Hospital pros-

#1 You get room service AND maid service.

#2 Breakfast in bed every morning.

#3 You can request anything you want and they'll try to accommodate it. You want an elephant ride? It probably wont happen but the nurses will do everything they can. I should ask and see what happens:)

#4 If you're feeling lazy, there is ALWAYS a wheelchair available. 

#5 Having a visitor really makes your whole day.

#6 You get a kick out of the stupidest things. Billy drove me from the back of the hospital to the front and I felt like such a rebel:)

#7 Everyone has to be nice to you.

#8 What better place to get spooked out on Halloween than an empty hospital corridor?

1 day down, 59 to go

 Yesterday was my first day at my temporary home at the Women's Special Care Unit at the University of Utah Hospital. It was bitter sweet. Bitter, because I have to say goodbye to my comforts of home, my dogs, and sleeping under the same roof as my husband, Billy. And sweet, because the two months I will be staying in the hospital will give my two little baby boys the best possible outcome. If all goes well, they will be born at 32 weeks and in perfect health.

 Let me explain the condition of my babies. It's an extremely rare condition called mono amniotic- mono chorionic twinning. We like to call them momos. It means is that they share the same placenta and the same amniotic sac. The chances of this are 1/60,000. The main risk of them sharing the same sac is that they have way too much room to move and since they are sharing the same space, there is a likelihood that their umbilical cords will tangle. If their cords tangle enough, it will cut off the life support to one or both of the twins. It's a scary situation to be in, but now that I'm in the hospital their chance of survival is really quite high. This is exactly the place I need to be. 

 Here at the hospital they will be monitoring the babies throughout the day to look for signs of distress. If the babies are showing enough signs of distress then I go right across the hall to labor and delivery and the doctors will get these babies out as fast as possible via C-section. Needless to say, the longer the babies stay in my tummy, the healthier and better off they will be. So far everything looks great!

 Now, I'm sure you are all dying to hear about my first day at the hospital! I arrived here at 3:00 p.m. and after meeting with my Dr. they took me to check me in to my new living quarters. It's not the most glamorous place I've ever been but I do get room service. They even have a recreation person that will come around and bring you crafts to do. Jealous yet? You should be. 

 Well, after a long day of being poked, prodded, and examined it was finally time to go to bed. At 12:00 I was winding down, reading a book, when the nurse came in to do a non-stress test on the babies. Not a big deal. Afterwards she said "okay, see you at 4:00". I looked at her and said, "As in, 4 a.m.?" She replied saying "Yes, we do the test every four hours". I thought to myself, 'holy crap! This is even more hands on than I thought it would be.' This is when I realized that these next two months will most likely be the longest of my life.